need another drink. this is the easiest way
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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