My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
