shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize