dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
