don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
operation harelip BJ is a go
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
