Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
