i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
