just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
