so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize