i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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