I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
