Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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