I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
