Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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