The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
