So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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