I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
