I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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