final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
