Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
