rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
ttyl tear gas
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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