Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
