I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize