forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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