yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
