my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
