I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
