I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
