My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
