We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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