Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
