i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
