He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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