I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
