I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
