i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
