my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
