i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
