Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
