I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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