the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize