Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
