Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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