You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
