you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
