At least make sure they are 18
Why
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Terrible idea I love it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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