His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
