i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
