Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
