Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
