i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
