If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His nipple licking is glorious
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
