I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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