my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
