I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
