After last night, I could never be a politician.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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