nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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