then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
