I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
