there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
