at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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