I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
