Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
