Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
