my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize