If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
