I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
