Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
