you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
