good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
