i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
