Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize