I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
