He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize